Friday, April 1, 2011

Parenting Don'ts





Evidently, in nature, there are species that eat their young.  Extending this concept to humans tends to be frowned upon.  For one, it's somewhat impractical - kids are born way too big.  But, I think if you are a parent, and you're honest with yourself, you could easily imagine the following scenario:

CHILD:  Mom! Mom! Mom! Mom! Mom! Mom!...
MOTHER: What, dearest child?  I'm busy working on cleaning up the tremendous mess you made by tipping over the orange juice in the fridge. [editor's note:  I just threw this last part in for gratuitous stereotyping of kids]
CHILD:  Mom!  Mom! Mom! Mom!
MOTHER:  I hear you - what do you want?
CHILD:  Mommmmmmmmmmm!   Mommmmmmmm!
MOTHER:  WHAT do you want?  Come here if you can't hear me! [editor's note (again): See the inconsistency here?  If they child could hear you or was paying attention, you wouldn't need to say this, and if they can't hear you, there's no point in saying it anyway.  But, many of us say exactly this sort of things all the time...]
CHILD:  Mommmmmmm!  Mommmmm!   Mommmmeeeeee!!!!!
MOTHER:  I'M RIGHT HERE!  WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM?  WHAT DO YOU NEED THAT IS SO IMPORTANT THAT....
<At this point the child wanders into the room - however, still screaming for mother>
MOTHER: WHAT!!!!
CHILD:  Mommmmmmeeee!
MOTHER:  ARRRRGGGGGHHHH!  <chomping sounds, gulping, chewing, etc.>

I created this play with a mother as the parent character.  It could be a father, but in my experience this particular scenario from the kid's POV is much more likely with a mother.

But - think about it - the mother is now full, and the house is quiet.  That means - she gets a nap. 

It is a wonder it doesn't happen more often...